There is no monster more horrifying in any role-playing game than an IPA – otherwise known as an India Pale Ale. These monsters are frequently disguised as a beverage but they are anything but. These monsters will turn on you quicker than a white gazebo!

They come in attractive apparel and accoutrements, but they hold a devious surprise. The first sip reveals taste of bark, shoe leather, and gravel. Dig deeper and you soon experience unflattering tones of asphalt, blue cheese, and pine oil.

At the start of every campaign a vigourous search should be undertaken to ensure no member of the party harbours any secret preference for IPAs lest they sneak their way onto the gaming table and corrupt other members of the party.

Fortunately, there is a cure available but it is an arduous journey. Once poisoned, the adventurer will need to go on a strict regimen of Guinness, Amber Ales, and Jameson.

Beware the Pilseners and lagers as they are frequently known to associate with IPAs and through them IPAs can find the weak and willing.

If you encounter any IPAs, your best course of action is to maintain your distance and cast Protection from Hops and Lupulin.

God have mercy on your soul if you encounter the demonic Mango or Pineapple variants.